March 2020 – March 2021

I can hardly believe that we have been in and out of national lockdowns for almost a year now. I never anticipated that the borders between myself and my family would close. I would not have thought this project still relevant now, still ongoing. 

The first lockdown in March 2020 for us was on the one hand extremely upsetting and concerning, as we had family and friends planned to visit for every month of the year. And I was afraid, my daughter has ‘underlying health issues’ and it felt like that phrase was used as a validation for death, at times I felt as though my heart would beat from my chest with the crushing load of the night. I was temporarily relieved of this anxiety only by the depths of aching grief from loss of my beloved grandma. 

On the other hand, it was a blessing, it was the first time our home had felt like a safe place to be. We had lived with four years of abuse and finally being alone in our house, untouchable, it began to feel like a home.

Slowly, I felt free to breath out, watch the clouds, listen to the birds, feel the wind on my face and smell the spring, without distraction and guilt in my mind of all that I should be doing or what the world expectations of me were.

It had never been busier in the forest-rich ridge where we live, people were walking, running and cycling, now they must stop, step back, people return to the nature that they have so long neglected. The skies were glorious with so little pollution. I felt as though I could reach out and touch the moon. It is as if the earth began to breathe again, I hope in this sense we do not go back to normal.

I also often turn to nature in times of need, I find it energetically recharging. Persistence to exist and thrive is as present in our veins as it is in all of nature’s forces.

Now as many experienced much earlier, the cold winter wears heavy. How much longer?

© 2018 Kim J. Vermeulen

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